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David Lynch recently told the Huffington Post that for years, in addition to the massive quantity of coffee he drank in diners, the filmmaker also gulped down more than 20 cups of instant coffee (specifically out of Styrofoam cups) a day. Everyone knows instant coffee is fucking disgusting, including Lynch, but his mantra is “Any coffee is better than no coffee.”
Lynch recently released his own signature blend of coffee beans in House Blend, Decaf French Roast, and Espresso Roast varieties, and because I am Super Fan No. 1, I ordered a five-pound bag of the House Blend and set out to see if I could drink 20 cups of the stuff in one day just like my hero.
I figured my little experiment would go OK because, like Lynch, I love coffee in an obsessive way. But as I discovered, jumping from three cups a day to 20 is something that needs to be done gradually. I made it to 11 before I had to stop and switch over to chewing ice cubes and taking handfuls of aspirin to calm my burning stomach and throbbing head. The other major side effect was having to “go to the bathroom” in ways I’ve never experienced.
And Lot’s wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been. But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human. So she was turned into a pillar of salt. So it goes.
